1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
