god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
