He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
