I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
