My cat gives me a boner
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
