THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
