he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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