somebody snuck up and got me drunk
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
