Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Your tits are I can't wait for
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
