quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
