someone owes me an orgasm
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
