Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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