I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
