i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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