Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
