He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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