i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
