your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
