That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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