false alarm. still invincible.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Can I color on your dick again?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We're too hungover to prance.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
