sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
