guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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