There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
