Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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