Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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