Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
