This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
