are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
