I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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