he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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