I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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