4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
