you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
