i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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