You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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