His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
