Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
