I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
