I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
no more duck duck goose at the bar
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
