Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
