I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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