p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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