I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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