why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Are we still banned from the library?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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