oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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