Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
