wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
did i walk over a car last night?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
