ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
