So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
