I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
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No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
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That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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