I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
