Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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