Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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