Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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