Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
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