Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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