just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
