guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I need to calm my uterus...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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