Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
