You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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