You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
