I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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