There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
