I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
