So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
