You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
